Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
