i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he thought i was a dude.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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