DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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