I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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