He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize