Nicole vs. Life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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