the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
