My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
