their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
