It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
