Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
