you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
