i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
