Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
