Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
