sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
