I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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