my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
