I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
