did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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