He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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