you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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