me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
