just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
