Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize