Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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