I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
