That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
