Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
