Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize