i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
