Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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