Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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