dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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