Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
