my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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