you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
