hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
