There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
