i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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