you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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