There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
