Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
