listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
