before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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