I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
