o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
