Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
