summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
