Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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