the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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