Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
