with your own penis?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
