just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
