if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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