my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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