dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
