she was so not down for the gang bang
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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