I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
