i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
