Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
