You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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