haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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