apparently the secret to your success is patron
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
