and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
