I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
