im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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