This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
