Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
