That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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