Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
