why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
