It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
