Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
