high people should be assigned attendants
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
