someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
too bad you live with your parents still
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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