Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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