Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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