He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize