I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
