So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
