idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I could make wine with my vomit
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize