those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
