There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I understand Curling. That high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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