I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
